Dear Xanax

Dear Xanax,

Thank you for being you. Thank you for being a short-acting benzodiazepine anxiolytic, whatever the hoot that means. *I don't know science; I got that from Wiki.

Thank you for being the 12th most prescribed medicine in the United States in 2010. Thank you for making me sleepy and slowing my thinking and motors skills. I'm very happy you were invented (by Upjohn -- now a part of Pfizer). *Wiki

Thank you for treating panic and anxiety disorders and nausea too. I like the effect you have on me. It's like looking into the eyes of a soulmate, or like having a glass of wine. Yeah....I'd say the wine thing so much more than the soulmate thing.

Anyway, thank you for being powerful yet controlled.

You help me when I need you, and I never get you from my friends. Never. My friends would not do that, because they know you are powerful and CONTROLLED.

I'm not sure if you had a chance to read my last post: An Open Letter to My Dentist, but I gave you a nod in that letter, and I thought it would be nice to dedicate an entire post to you.

I've only had a handful of experiences with you, but -- as far as I can remember, they have all been pleasant.

I've never done any drugs, and I always say, "I'm a lightweight" when it comes to substances. I mean, I don't "do" substances, I just mean if I were to -- you know, what I mean. If I were to take a muscle relaxer (prescribed specifically for me), I would be afraid to take the entire pill. I'm that kind of "lightweight."

I do wish I had done drugs when was younger. Wait, don't take that the wrong way. I just wish that, when my kids were younger, I had a better life-perspective to offer them when it came time for them to "experiment." Not that they have ever "experimented;" I'm not saying that...

This isn't going exactly as planned. I only meant to offer my deepest and most sincere affections and respect for your help when my dentist prescribes you for me (I'm afraid of everything related to dentistry, even the smocks).

Dr. Shall-Not-Be-Named-Here thinks you and I are a good match, and I agree.

Obvi, I'm in love with you. I dream about you, even though I barely know you. Once, I dreamt that I received 5 of you in a birthday card.

Like that would ever happen.

Love,

Lisa